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Moment of vulnerability here. I write on topics like self love and self esteem because they are near and dear to me. I’m much too familiar with self loathing, anxiety and depression that began with the birth of my first child back in 2001. Below are some of the things that I did/do on my journey to fight the negative inner critic. While I have my moments, I can honestly say, that at 40 years old, for the first time in my life, I’m feeling pretty damn good in my skin. Better than ever, actually, and I’m pretty close to the biggest I’ve ever been. Also, the oldest I’ve ever been. lol Life doesn’t have to be a miserable spiral of ugly emotions consuming you.
Without further ado…here’s what I do. Or at least TRY to do. In no particular order.
1.Gratitude Practice
Get yourself a beautiful notebook or journal that you love. Or, a planner, in my case. I love the Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map Planner. There’s a place dedicated to record your gratitude each day as well as other beautiful spaces to help you slay your day and goals with soul. Start with writing down 3 things every single day that you’re grateful for, and also write down WHY you’re grateful for it. The why is really important. When you practice gratitude, REALLY practice it. Don’t just write it and be done. Feel the feelings of gratitude. Marvel on what you’re grateful for. You know that feeling of overwhelm of gratitude, and makes you feel so grateful to be alive and like your heart is overflowing? Yeah. Do that. Writing down the why will bring you closer to that feeling.
The idea is 1-perspective (because life is truly beautiful when you focus on the beauty) and 2-that which we focus on multiplies. More good feelings, please! If you’re Christian, all the glory to Him, of course.
2.Be Hyper Aware of Your Thoughts
I remember standing in front of the mirror loathing my old new body, lumpy and bumpy as tears streamed down my face. This was a couple of years after having my last child. The person in the mirror was unrecognizable. I was miserable…suicidal even. I just hated how I looked and just about everything else about me. I was so awful to myself. At that point, I realized that I couldn’t keep talking to myself that way. I wouldn’t take that kind of abuse from anyone else, so why from myself? That was the very beginning of my self love journey. I vowed to be more mindful of how I spoke to myself because I was listening. I became SUPER focused on how I wanted to feel. I wrapped my arms around myself and told me “I love you.” I still do this when I’m having a hard time.
Your mind and your self are two different things. YOU are NOT your mind. You are the silent observer of the mind. The part of you that recognizes that you’re having a thought. That’s the true you. You can control your mind. It just takes practice, like anything else. Once you take control of your thoughts, watch your self esteem increase.
3.Put Self Care At The Top Of Your To Do List
Maybe you’re a stay at home mom and can wear the same yoga pants for days. Or maybe you have a job outside the home, but you struggle with getting up early enough to make yourself presentable in a way that feels good to you. Whichever it is, I’m reminding you that you will feel so much better if you take time for some self care. Whether that is simply doing your makeup, painting your nails, meditating, praying or making sure you get your workout in for the day. Every little thing you do for yourself is going to give you a little boost.
Also, nutrition matters! Eat shit, feel like shit. Eat good, feel good. Aim to nourish yourself with things that either had a mother or came from the earth and drink plenty of water. Anything else is likely a chemical shit storm and won’t help you on your journey, besides, say, the occasional ice cream treat. I’ve found for me that good choices equals good self esteem.
4.Affirmations and Prayer
Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. When you repeat them often, and believe in them, you can start to make positive changes in your self esteem and life. This is a common practice among patients of counselors and therapists. Have a set of affirmations to recite and repeat. Usually, the affirmations are specific to something that you’re dealing with in your life. You can say them or write them or both. Speak your desires into existence. Example affirmations: I love my body just the way it is. I’m so grateful for my healthy body. I deserve to be treated with love and respect. I feed my body healthy and nourishing food. Even if the affirmation isn’t true in your mind right now, still practice it.
And then of course, prayer. Ask your creator for grace. Ask for self acceptance, love and guidance. Whatever is on your heart, go to Him.
5.Get Rid Of The Assholes
Nothing worse than an asshole when you’re trying to lift yourself up. It’s a privilege to others when you allow them to be part of your life. If they aren’t adding any value or anything positive to your life, yes, including family, let that ish go. After all, you are who you keep company with.
Christine Roberts is a boudoir and portrait photographer based out of Mount Pleasant, TX. She serves the greater east Texas area including, but not limited to Mount Vernon, Sulphur Springs, Greenville, Rockwall, DFW, Texarkana, Tyler and Longview areas. She is also available for travel.
